Ask Joe Bob: Could my white, male, mid-thirties boyfriend be a psychopath?

Welcome to the first edition of the newest romantic advice column for horror lovers on Pretty/Scary - 'Ask Joe Bob'. Joe Bob Briggs , the drive-in movie critic of Grapevine, Texas, will be dispensing sex and relationship advice from his uniquely male, and sometimes gross, point of view. The idea here is that women NEED THIS INFORMATION, the kind that men never share.

Dear Job Bob,

I've started dating a white man in his mid thirties whose house is filled with horror posters, DVDs, creepy masks, weapons, slasher action figures, and movie collectables. Nothing else; just gross horror and torture stuff...

He thinks living in this environment and watching horror movies 24/7 helps discharge any of his homicidal tendencies. But I can't help thinking when he's gently making love to me under his Texas Chainsaw poster that he'd rather be hanging me on a meathook. Or at least carving a hole in my cheek and fucking that orifice instead. Am I overreacting? Or should I run before the restraints, Cthulla mask and powerdrill get brought into the bedroom?

Not Really Feeling It

Dear Not Really,

Unless you've starred in any slashers yourself, he's unlikely to be turned on by anything about your body, person, or behavior that reminds him of you. When you're making love with this man, he's envisioning a cinematic female who was created on a movie set, then refashioned in his own imagination into a willing blood sacrifice. The main thing you have going for you is that you (presumably) have all the same limbs and organs in all the same approximate places on your body as did the slut of his dreams. You should refrain from making any noises, especially any idiosyncratic ones, as it would tend to reinforce the idea that he's having sex with his actual girlfriend, as opposed to the bimbo he uses for his cellphone wallpaper. So relax and have fun!

If you'd like to have Joe Bob answer your love problems, Ask Him